You know those times you need one thing from the store? We no longer live in a time where you can borrow a cup of sugar from your neighbor. Unless you have our neighbors — they’re the best.

But sometimes in the middle of a mess, you really HAVE to run to the store.

You’ve had a hard day and it shows in how you look. And you pray that you won’t run into anyone you actually know.

And then you see everyone. Almost everyone.

So yesterday going to and at church…

Let me back up…

Last week was one of those weeks that I wished didn’t happen. A prayer that I’ve prayed for wasn’t answered as I’d hoped. A family we love is grieving the loss of someone way too young.

And yes, as Christ followers we know without a doubt where she is. But there is still heartbreak. This is not the outcome I prayed for.

The sadness hit heavy and hard.

But the show — or in this case the church service — must go on.

So I made it to church and took my place in the back. Behind the screen.

My little livestream corner.

I prepped some social media (really just resized slides to squares — 17 of them!), remembered that I hadn’t scheduled a push notification which has to be done manually each week, I checked a link which I had hoped would be ready ahead of schedule – but wasn’t, I prepped our sermon title thumbnails so all I would need post-service was a single image, and then I cried.

I cried more than I thought I would, could, or should.

The sermon was fantastic, but my tears were a response to the week.

Tired tears.

Sad tears.

Weary, exhausted, and heartbroken tears.

Fortunately no one turned around and saw the crying mess I was in the back of the room. And I even had the opportunity to pray with someone on the livestream. I do love it when people ask for prayer during our livestream.

And talk about great. Any morning that that sees four hands raised for Jesus, yields a Sunday afternoon cutting 12 sermon clips, a baptism recap video, and church members requesting digital copies of the service slides is undoubtedly a great morning.

But I definitely breathed a sigh of relief when I got home.

Relief that only Jesus saw – and relief that Jesus always sees and loves – the blotchy, swollen, puffy-eyed, runny-nosed, middle-of-the-mess me.

Never more grateful for a view from the back than yesterday.