A Pastor once told me there’s truth and there’s grace, but if you’re going to make an error in judgement, err on the side of grace. So I do. I almost always choose Grace. Because of that I’ve been called gullible, and a pushover. I’ve been told that I allow people to use and take advantage of me.
And maybe that’s true. But I’d rather stand before God and account for being helpful and kind than stand before him and answer for the times I selfishly didn’t help someone.
And just because you offer help doesn’t mean you condone actions.
Think of it this way. If someone is playing with fire, you might say, “don’t do that, you’ll get burned.” They continue to play…they get burned.
Quick…what’s the first thing you do?
Treat the burn. Get them out of danger. Show compassion. Care. Love.
Then have a, ‘what we’re you thinking!?’ moment.
I’ve seen way too many leaders fail – moral failures, mental illness, etc. I’ve seen way too many Pastors need to step down. I’ve seen Pastors take their own lives.
As easy as it is to get angry at their failures — and believe me it’s easy, we have to be compassionate.
When the unthinkable happens, we have to remember our Pastors and leaders are people, too.
I don’t know about you, but when I’ve sinned and grieved the Holy Spirit, I feel guilty. Guilt usually leads to remorse and repentance, but that guilt valley is a deep – and lonely – one.
In my deepest valleys, I’m most grateful for the friends who stick by me.
So… here’s a challenge and a few tips from someone who’s walked in a few valleys herself.
Challenge: Do you want to be known for being compassionate, forgiving, and trustworthy?
So…Here’s what I needed (and what I believe anyone going through a valley needs):
1. A safe place to worship. I found myself at one point without a church home. I was so grateful for a friend who took me to church (a few towns over from mine).
2. Meals and money. So many times, a step down from ministry means a loss of income and it might often mean a relocation. Organize meals, do what you can to provide financial assistance.
3. Prayer. When a believer has done something wrong, they know. Falls can be public…and hard. Let someone know you’re praying.
4. Someone to believe in you. Let’s face it, our leaders got to be where they are (or were) because God gifted them. A failure doesn’t remove the gift. I’ve seen leaders fail, and make a comeback. Having been there, I’m eternally grateful for the people who believed in me.
5. Chocolate chip cookies. Because who doesn’t sometimes just need a cookie?
If you go this grace route, don’t fault the “truthers.” They want justice. They’re not wrong, they’ve just chosen another stance.
I promised you new content each week, and I’m already a day behind! But I have good reasons. You’ll see…
I didn’t spend a lot of time at my computer this week when I wasn’t working.
I logged 50+ hours this week (51). That’s a combination of hours at the office, some projects I chose to work on at home, and a few things I did in a volunteer capacity that are not actual functions of my job.
Keep that number in mind when I tell you what else I’ve accomplished.
Dinner with a friend.
Live online meeting with some friends.
Afternoon lunch with a friend.
Watched World Series games 6 and 7.
Went out to dinner with my husband twice (that’s two date nights, y’all!).
Saw a movie with my husband.
Got my teeth cleaned.
Got the oil changed in my car.
Did four loads of laundry in one day.
Finalized a project for another ministry.
I also feel well-rested and ready for the new week!
Because in addition to all of that, I made time EVERY MORNING for my devotional.
I call it giving God the “first ten.” We give him the first ten percent of our income (tithe). Shouldn’t we also give him the first ten minutes of our day?
This week, try giving God the first ten minutes of your day. Read and study His word.
One of my favorite things to do is get away in a coffee shop, find a corner table, order a strong, dark roast, and create. I pull up stock photo sites, I browse my fonts, I listen (and re-listen) to our Lead Pastor’s sermon, I look at our upcoming events calendar, I people watch, and I create.
Some people use services that provide social media content.
I use services that provide social media content.
I don’t like using services that provide social media content.
I like dreaming. I like creating. I like pushing boundaries. What do I do in my spare time? I study systems and processes, I play with demo versions of church management software (yes, really), and I create.
Is that what I do for fun? Yes.
Legit? Fun? Yes.
Recently I spent some time with my son at his summer job. He plays guitar at youth camp. At the beach. He’s 20 years old and he gets paid to live at the beach and play guitar 2-3 times a day.
Plus he gets some spending money for groceries.
I need a new job!
While I was with him, he seemed tired. He wakes up 15 minutes before he needs to be ready for the day. He naps whenever possible. On Friday morning, his roommate said they were getting ready to leave their room and they looked at each other and said, “I can’t.“
They did. They did with excellence.
God got them through.
But it struck me…
Even when you’re getting paid for what you’d likely do on a volunteer basis…
You can still experience burnout.
Burnout doesn’t always look like stepping down. Burnout doesn’t always look like a moral failure.
Burnout sometimes looks like getting paid to live at the beach and play your guitar… or sitting in your favorite coffee shop…creating.
Up next: how to recognize burnout and what to do when you’re there.
Over the last 3-4 weeks, a few very kind, friendly, and overly-excited people at our church have set out on a mission: to make me a people person.
It’s working, but don’t tell them.
I have a reputation to uphold.
Let me give a brief history. I like people. I do. I really do.
But how I show this like for people is through how I structure a database or how I lay out a web site. You’ll see my like for people in some of my designs. You’ll see it in how I design a response form. You’ll see how I like people when I get to set up a room for one of my boss’ meetings. Then I get to quietly sit in my office – working on database updates or web site updates or social media posts – while someone else stands before the people.
But one thing I do love is helping people take their next steps.
This actually started several years ago with the database. (Yes, really.)
I was setting up systems and processes in the database and watching people (there’s that word again) move through our system.
Seeing people go from first-time guest to being fully-connected at our church.
But I also got to see the part I didn’t like. Seeing people’s names remain in the first time guest category that went unchanged. The people who didn’t come back.
Where are they? Was there something our church could have done differently? Are they connected to a church – if not ours – somewhere?
I began to implement systems and processes designed to help people move from first-time guest to fully-connected. I went from data entry to developing and being part of the process.
Because it’s more than just a database. It’s people. People getting connected to church. People getting connected to Jesus.
And thus began my transition from Database Administrator to Next Steps Director.
I tried to stay focused on the database. People won. Every time.
A few years later, I now serve as our Lead Pastor’s Executive Assistant. Each week I get to serve at our What’s Next desk. I get to help introduce people to their next steps at our church. Also every week, I get to hand-write note cards to each of our first-time guests. I use the verbiage “get to” very intentionally.
You might argue that I get paid. It’s my job. I have to do it.
You’d be partially correct.
I do get paid. It’s a privilege. I get to do it.
So a few weeks ago, one of my kind, friendly, and overly-excited friends saw my stack of hand-written note cards awaiting their trip from my desk to the mailbox and asked me, “do you actually meet and know those people?“
I locked my office door, crawled under my desk, and ate carbohydrates.
“Go away.” I said it nicely and in a joking tone of voice, although I may have been serious.
“How big is your circle of friends at this church?” she asked.
“I like my co-workers.”
“Really…how many people do you know?”
“Five. Maybe six. Okay, four.“
“That is not enough. We need to get you out of the office.”
“I like my office. I keep carbs in here. Here – have some pretzels.”
Little did she know, God was also at work.
One of the other things I get to do: if someone is interested in serving, but isn’t quite sure where or how to start, I get to follow up with them.
Some people naturally know where they’d like to serve.
Others have no idea where to start. And it’s important to find that place where ability, affinity, and affirmation all meet.
So there I was: scheduled to meet with someone who wanted to serve, but had no idea where to start.
She came into my office and we talked about her – what led her to our church, how long she’d been coming, and what she liked about church. We talked about her family and her history, and what issues were important to her.
She wanted to serve…
In the nursery or with children?No…not really…
With our guest services team.Her brow furrowed.
We talked about some local missions opportunities.Her eyes lit up. The corners of her mouth turned up. And I knew, we’d found it.
And then I got to update the database…
This blog is about the process of progress. But I might need to edit to add a word: people.
Helping our college-aged children make decisions about their future, and one of our younger children starting a new school, and planning a family vacation, and and and…
…wasn’t enough change.
Nope. Not enough change for our family.
Earlier this year, God also called us to a new church. And sometimes, even when you know it’s God, and even when your joy is found in following His will, it’s tough.
Very rarely on this blog will I mention a church by name. I know a lot of people at a lot of churches and para-church organizations and because of our professional relationships, I get to know things about their churches and organizations and we talk about what’s happening and how they are navigating their own challenges.
But I’m about to mention this church. Because they are setting an example.
We began attending in June,
However, we have not taken the next step to join with the church as members.
And then this week…
There was a death in my family. And I was faced with booking some last minute travel and making some last minute schedule changes.
So here we are: having left one church; not yet members of another. And I had a second moment of feeling alone.
But unlike some other areas of my life, the church we are attending is displaying Jesus and showing his love. This church – these people – have reached out to me in so many ways.
I sent an email to the Pastor around 11pm on Monday. On Tuesday morning I woke up to emails and texts (he had used the database to email the prayer team…since this blog is all about databases and processes). One person actually wrote out a prayer for me and my family in an email. Throughout the day on Tuesday I received calls, more emails, more texts.
My boss himself is stepping in to handle some things that should fall directly on my shoulders. He’s picking up my responsibilities. Servant Leadership.
So thank you, Fairview Baptist Church. Words cannot express how much I thank you for what you have shown our family and how grateful we are to know yours.
Recently God called our family to make a change. It many ways it wasn’t an easy decision. It meant taking a new look at things we’d always felt were right or wrong. It meant going someplace we said we’d never go.
But in other ways it was easy. Because after a lot of prayer, counsel, and discernment, we knew it was where God was calling us.
This change also meant a new routine and thus, I find myself not regularly seeing the friends I had been seeing regularly.
Yet, I haven’t really connected with a new group of friends.
The old group of friends can’t understand why we’d make this decision.
The new group people seem like they already have their circles.
And I feel like this:
And I remember, that with God, I’m never truly alone. He’s got a plan, a purpose and a reason for this season.
Does this happen in our churches?
What about our church guests?
When I run a report of first time guests who didn’t return for a second visit, I want to hear their voices.
I want to ask:
Did you feel welcome or unwanted?
Was there confusion and chaos or did you feel calmness and clarity?
Did you feel alone or did you feel like you were among family?
Every Sunday we have first time guests who are doing something they’ve never done before: coming to our church. Which means, they aren’t doing whatever it was they did any previous Sunday.
Any change has the potential to cause someone to feel alone.
As a software administrator, I found myself in a position that wouldn’t be considered ‘healthy.’ I was managing the software alone. I input events, made sure the event image matched the print and web site materials (especially if the event was linked to the public web site). I made sure all event information was communicated the same across all platforms. I also checked financials and ran financial reports for our finance team, controlled who had access to the software and at what levels. I managed our physical resources (using the software) – including rooms and other resources (tables, chairs, A/V equipment, etc. I built the check-in system for events. I built forms for registration. Almost no one else used the software, yet everyone knew it was there. Working for them.
That was a long paragraph.
With a lot of “I”‘s.
Something needed to change.
So I began to train people.
I taught our children’s leaders how to build check-in systems. I taught our ministry leaders how to schedule events. I taught our hospitality leader how to manage rooms and resources. I taught our finance team how to run financial reports. I taught a youth leader how to build sign up forms which linked to events.
And they began to work together. Each person saw that their actions within the software didn’t only impact their area of ministry, but how it impacted others. Soon, a team began to form.
I was always available for back up. They know that I still am available for back up.
I was watching band practice one day and watching the sound board operator.
“Hey [guitarist] could you adjust your amp?”
No. Not quite right. Another adjustment.
The guitarist adjusted some pedals.
The sound guy made some adjustments on the board.
They each worked together making adjustments until it was right.
The sound board person continued to make adjustments with each person in the band – checking each instrument individually.
Then the band began to rehearse. Together. Each person playing a different instrument.
The sound board operator stopped them. More adjustments.
They all worked together until they got it right.
What struck me in this was the person with the most control was the sound board operator.
He didn’t jump on stage trying to be the lead vocalist. He didn’t play guitar. He didn’t play drums. He didn’t play any instrument at all. And he didn’t tell each of the band members how to play.
But he made sure that in the end, it sounded right to the audience.
I think software administrators are a little like sound board operators. I recognize that I’m not a great leader in many areas. There are a lot of instruments I cannot play. Most of the time, people are not going to see my name or know I’m there. But I want to help all of my ministry leaders get the most out of the software. I want them to know that I’m always there to help them make minor adjustments or back them up if needed.
I want to revisit the “why we use it” question. Admittedly, I can get so caught up in the application of the process, that I forget why the process was developed in the first place.
To connect humanpeople to our church.
There are a few times a year that we visit other churches. We purposely want to take a break from the norm, but I also want to observe their guest services process.
Recently my daughter visited a church. When she came home I didn’t ask about the message, I asked about her first time guest experience. Parking? Approach? Clear directions? Connect area? Connect cards? First time guest gift? Did anyone say hello and introduce themselves to you? (I wonder what database they use. I kept that thought to myself.)
You see, as much as this blog is about databases, it’s also about the process. The database should reflect our church’s process.
At one church, the Next Steps Director writes a hand written note card to welcome the first time guests. Guests are entered into the database and entered into a process queue (new entry > hand written note card > alert to Next Steps Director).
At another church, a formal letter is emailed, authored by the Senior Pastor. Guests are entered into the system and a a “follow up” is assigned to the Senior Pastor who then sends the email and checks ‘complete.’
Some churches send first-time-guest surveys. Some do not.
One church may ask guests if they’d like more information. Another church sends it – whether it’s been asked for or not.
I once visited a church that sent an email, but then called later in the week. The sole purpose of that call: thanks for coming and we’re praying for you. Do you have any prayer requests? What was missing: they didn’t specifically invite me back. They didn’t invite me to a group or a class. They thanked me for coming and they prayed for me. No strings attached.
In our database, we have categories of visitor, attender, member. I love watching people move through that process.
But there is that dreaded list of first time visitors who didn’t come back.
I’ve tried to look at things through the lens of a first time guest. What is their experience?
Through most of our lives, we have been blessed that God has specifically called us to a church for His purpose and reason. However, there was one time, when He called us to leave a church with no clear direction or next step. We were (gasp) “Church Shoppers.”
Three weeks into visiting a new church. Our third Sunday morning visit. We arrived early and found our seats. No one approached us. As we sat in our seats, we sat alone. We watched other people reach across pews to tap people on the shoulder with the sole purpose of introducing themselves. None to us.
Temptation to leave crept in. We stayed. We heard a great sermon. We don’t regret that we stayed. Would we return? Would the average first time guest return?
Several years ago, as a new Christian, I attended a church with seemingly no clear path to membership. I’d attended. I’d accepted. I’d said the prayer. I got it. But membership seemed elusive. Or exclusive.
How hard would I try to become a member? Or would I be content with simply attending? Giving sporadically. Not serving. Not invested in my church. Because if I’m not a member, it’s not really my church.
I share each of those experiences not to criticize each church. As a matter of fact, I’m grateful, still, for each of those churches and the positive impact each had on my life. But those experiences helped shape and guide how I view my ministry today.
If I called each of our first time guests over the past six months – the ones who didn’t return – what would they say? Am I prepared to hear what they would say?
If I called one of our attenders who hasn’t been to church in several weeks, what would they say? Am I prepared to hear what they would say?
You see, as much as I love our church. And believe I’ve clearly communicated our next steps, I want to be open to change. I want to find the balance between adapting to our ever-changing society while helping our Pastor preserve the integrity of our church.
As you are building your database, make sure it reflects who and what your church is. But always be willing to re-evaluate what you’re doing and be open to change.
Our Pastor spoke Sunday about the dangers in having zeal for God without understanding His Word.
It is possible to have a passion for God and be all in, without truly understanding His Word.
It won’t surprise you to know that I’m a ‘Next Steps’ person. There is nothing I’m more passionate about than seeing people take their next steps in their walk with Christ. From that first time guest to new members class. From unbeliever to Baptism. From lost and lonely to small group involvement. From searching to serving. Seeing that wakes me up in the morning and keeps me awake at night.
But wait! Is it possible all of this could be happening without them having true understanding of His Word?
Our Pastor was preaching from Judges, but the verses he cited there came straight from Romans 10:1-3.
Brothers, my heart’s desire and prayer to God concerning them[a] is for their salvation! 2 I can testify about them that they have zeal for God, but not according to knowledge. 3 Because they disregarded the righteousness from God and attempted to establish their own righteousness, they have not submitted themselves to God’s righteousness.
Wow! I thought about how often I’d been guilty of just wanting to see those ‘numbers’ increase. Yes, I wanted them to increase for all the right reasons. My primary goal was to see people know Jesus and take their next steps in their relationship with Him.
But how often did I just want those numbers alone? Those percentages?
If we have 100 new first time guests, then we want at least 75 in the new members class. That gives us a success rate of 75%. Of those we want at least 50% to commit to joining – including serving and giving.
I once told my boss, “when we added [this portion] into our new members’ class, we had a 100% follow up rate after class. When we took it out, that dropped significantly.”
Of course, it’s for Jesus. Of course, it’s to see people connected to a Gospel-centered Church. Of course it’s because each person that walks through our doors represents another soul in Heaven. Of course to all of that.
But do we have systems in place to assure that each of those people – each number – truly knows God.
I don’t want to be in the business of making ‘fans.’ I’m not moving people through a system to create ‘yay-God cheerleaders.’ Zeal itself is not enough. Along the way, I want to make sure each of those people is truly learning about God. About His character and nature. I want to make sure they know His Word.
This blog isn’t just about databases. It’s not just about systems and processes. It’s about our hearts as we see people connected to Jesus and His Church and the great privilege we have been given to play a small part in that.