If you haven’t already read it, start here. That’s the post that got my little piece of the internet noticed.
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Not like National News Noticed, just more noticed than usual. I’m usually okay with being not noticed.
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I don’t typically add my name or watermark to the graphic. You don’t know I edited the video, produced the website, made the copies, bought the coffee cups, or that I was the voice behind the social media post.
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But in this case, something was definitely different. I really needed people to know what happened. Because it wasn’t really about me. It was about people who didn’t know who Jesus really is.
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One week ago, I realized who didn’t like or trust us – the church.
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I realized why they didn’t like or trust us – the church.
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And for a brief glorious and, at the same time, scary horrible moment, I was in two worlds.
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I was one of us. I was the church. I was being like Jesus would be and I was doing what Jesus would do.
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But I was also one of them.
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“You’re right. I feel unloved, unwanted, left out on a limb, stranded on base, unprepared, a bit uncomfortable, forgotten, angry, and seriously hurt.”
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“…church people suck…”
But God.
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I talked with a few friends.
They saw that you were human. • They saw you have the same feelings they do • You dropped the Christian mask.
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Dropped the mask.
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I don’t even know how to wrap this up.
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I’ve got nothing quotable, or funny, witty, or clever.
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But God.
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Yesterday they showed up. Same bench. They went to church with my husband, son, and I.
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We took them to lunch after church.
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They saw and heard something different yesterday.
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I know it was different because they want to go back.
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They said everyone was kind to them.
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They want to go back.
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They trust us to meet us again this Sunday. Same time. Same bench.
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I cannot believe it….they actually want to go back.
I ran through a few different titles for this blog post.
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The Character Of God
God’s Word Doesn’t Change
Get Your Freaking Communications In Order
The Most Un-Marcy Thing To Do Ever
How Could You Leave Me Hanging Like That
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I’m writing this one for two reasons. 1) People need to know. 2) I don’t want to forget.
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It all started with a service opportunity.
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So far, so good.
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It didn’t involve anything I might typically do.
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No graphics, no guest services, no social media, no database.
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This one was boots-on-the-ground. Downtown. Serving our city’s homeless community.
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I think we’ve already established what Marcy would do. I’ll babysit your kids so you can go serve, then you send me pics of you serving and I’ll post them to your organization’s social media pages so all the world can know just how awesome you are.
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(Read that with a slight hint of sarcasm. None of us – me, you, all y’all – are even close to awesome. Not even close.)
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So… I checked the date, time, and location of this serving opportunity against a few other things I had that day (all 38,000 of them).
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I realized I would be in the right place at the right time and had a few hours to spare.
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What I’d typically do in that situation would be to load up a laptop and find the closest coffee shop.
That’s what Marcy does.
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But I agreed to serve.
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Two days before the event, I received a confirmation text.
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Document timeline. Midweek: opportunity is posted for Monday. Saturday: personal text confirming Monday.
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Pause: this WAS NOT, in any way, organized by my church. This was an outreach by a third party organization who (I’m absolutely assuming here), contacted various churches for help.
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However, my only communication for or about it was from our Lead Pastor.
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Here’s a pro tip: don’t make your Lead Pastor the point person for communications. It’s not their job. Communications will fail. Find a volunteer and put the ball in their court. Anyone who throws the LP under the bus after reading this post, should read that again.
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Let’s get back to it. We left off with the personal text confirming Saturday. Address – check. Carpool with us or meet you there? I’ll meet you there. Good to go.
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Monday morning I arrived at the appointed location, at the appointed time. My role: help set up a tent, help set out chairs, an organization is going to give haircuts to the homeless community. After setting up tents + chairs, I just get to pray with and for people.
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I can do this.
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I even left the house without my laptop!
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I arrived 15 minutes early, found an open parking lot directly across from the location, arranged to sell a kidney, and paid for parking (another pro tip: if you want to make real money, go into the parking lot business.)
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I’m only 10-15 minutes early. Surely there should be some activity.
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Nothing.
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Just three guys, sitting on a bench under an awning, in front of a store across the street.
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Me: suburban mom in an unfamiliar part of downtown that seemed eerily inactive and three rather rough looking (God, forgive me for judging people based on outward appearance) dudes across the street. Obviously we all saw one another. You couldn’t NOT see one another.
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Do I get back in my car, lock doors, and wait for back up while scrolling social media?
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Nope.
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I crossed the street, walked directly to them, and said, “hey guys… what’s up?”
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That was the start of two hours that changed my life.
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I was there to help them get haircuts. They were waiting to get haircuts. but no one else was there.
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No haircut people. No other homeless people. And no church people.
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We struck up a conversation. All the while, I’m thinking, ‘where are my people? Where are any people?’ I’m quickly making a connection with them… this is crazy… why am I here alone? What am I even doing?
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Then these guys decided to take a walk to a few downtown churches – maybe we got the location wrong.
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Oh no.
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You are not leaving me here alone. I’m going with you.
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We weren’t meant to do life alone, and at that moment, my community – my safety, security, and comfort – had become three homeless guys I’d known for roughly 15-20 minutes.
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So there I am, walking through downtown with three homeless guys, hoping that at the next turn, we’re going to see a tent and people.
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No tent. No people.
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We made our way home – back to the familiar bench in front of the store, under the awning, across from my car.
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We talked. I asked them about their lives. What happened to them? Why are they homeless? Why they’d rather live on the streets than in a shelter? What are they learning from this? What’s their plan to turn their lives around?
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I texted our Pastor (again, don’t expect your LP to field this stuff – ever):
Where are you? • What is going on? Am I in the right place?
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I get a text back: the event was canceled.
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(Heads up: I’ll serve the church I’m a member of for free as your church comm person; scroll back a few posts. If I strongly believe in you or your organization, you get me for free on a volunteer basis.)
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Another incoming text: I’m so sorry.
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My response:
You’re going to be sorry. • I feel forgotten. Left out. Unwanted. Not thought of. • You’ve really screwed up my day/life. How could you, you completely selfish idiot? • It’s okay. God meant for me to be here. I get to talk to them about Jesus.
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Don’t lose it. • Hold it together. • Build a relationship. • I’m a fish out of water. • Talk about Jesus. • Share your story. • Why am I even here? Don’t leave here.
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And then the moment. One of the guys says this happens all the time.
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What?
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The preachers come on Sunday. They tell us people are coming. People don’t come.
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Preachers = God / Jesus
People are coming = God / Jesus are coming
People don’t come = God / Jesus doesn’t come
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This is the basis for their belief system.
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I told them I was so sorry for this experience. This isn’t at all how Jesus is.
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And one guy said, “we feel bad for you.”
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Why?
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Because your people didn’t show up either.
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And I lost it. I openly sobbed and poured out the train wreck to three homeless guys.
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You’re right. I feel unloved, unwanted, left out on a limb, stranded on base, unprepared, a bit uncomfortable, forgotten, angry, and seriously hurt.
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Honestly, in this moment, I want to tell you that church people suck because we do. And the one I attend – in that moment – was the worst offender.
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Yep. I’m out. Over done. Church is not for me.
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But God.
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I didn’t immediately pull out the YouVersion Bible app and meet them with scripture.
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I just shared personal experience. Every time I’ve been in a valley, down, broken, near the end, Jesus stepped in. It’s been rough – comparatively no where near as rough as where they are – but it definitely hasn’t been easy. And every single time, in unexplainable ways, God was there.
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Then. After all that, I gave them scripture. I pointed out how His promises were true. Every time.
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In the end they acknowledged that not all churches (or church people) must be that way, because I showed up.
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What!? Did God just use my broken, messed up, train wreck of a life to reach them? Maybe. I think I cried even more at that.
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They agreed to meet my husband and I at that same bench on Sunday morning and go to our church with us (I’m praying they actually show up and go).
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We hugged and parted ways.
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And what I realized is that when the church isn’t there, many believe that Jesus isn’t there.
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But I know that when the church isn’t there, that’s when you know Jesus really is there.
If I believe in you and your mission, or if I see your vision and I’m 💯 on board with it, I’ll probably ‘work’ for you for free.
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I might ask you if I can update my social media profiles to reflect what I do for you and your organization. It honestly depends on how strongly I feel about how much I want people to know I’m on your team. Why do I want people to know I’m on your team? It’s definitely not about me or “the title/position.” It’s always about letting people know I believe in your organization’s mission. Whatever I can do to drive people back to your social media channels, I’ll do it.
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An example of this is: recently a local Pastor called me and told me about a project he was working on with a few other guys. I bought in.
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Could I design a logo and how much would it cost? Yes and free.
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I believe our community needs this and I’m on board. In that case, I didn’t ask him if I could update social media to reflect what I did. They’re doing a great thing and I’m sure I’ll share what they post, but at this point, free logo design + a few logo based digital deliverables was enough.
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Then he switched gears and asked about t-shirt design for his church. At this point, there’s a fee, but since I was already bought into him as a person, that fee was greatly reduced.
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When I jump all in as your professional volunteer, I take what I do pretty seriously. Because usually it’s about helping churches grow stronger, which means they can reach more people, which means more people know Jesus.
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But here’s the raw truth: being a professional volunteer comes at a cost. Software subscriptions, stock photo subscriptions, etc. all cost money.
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And being a professional volunteer doesn’t pay well.
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So what’s next for this professional volunteer? Well, I’ve got a few contract proposals out now and some serious conversations happening about possible long term contracts. I’m looking at about an hour of billable projects this week. I’m scheduled to lead a series of Lunch & Learn videos that will generate income.
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We are not leaving our church – that’s a given fact. After a really disconnected 2020, we finally found a church to call home in 2021. That’s not changing.
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I know there are ministries being hit hard financially right now. So I’m going to do the best I can to keep my fees ridiculously low. Not to undervalue my time, but to continue to remember this is ministry, not just a job.
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Someone asked me recently if I was in this for Jesus or for a paycheck?
I’ve been thinking a lot about vocational ministry. What is it? For those who don’t know, it’s when a person gets paid to do the work of the ministry.
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Earlier this year, a young man was offered a job at a church. It was a visible leadership position. The advice he got: don’t take it. Instead, go to the church. Love the people, learn the people, earn the trust of the people. Serve and serve well. Don’t hold back on service. Give the church everything you’ve got. Then, after some time, see if that paid position is still available.
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When he told me that, I didn’t get it…but I did. God started working.
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All around me were people who had been in vocational ministry, but left. Either by choice – or not by choice – in various positions of ministry. I began to ask questions of them. And more importantly, I listened. I wanted to hear where they were, what happened (as much as they could share), and what God was doing in their lives.
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This has brought me to a few conclusions. These are my conclusions – and God may speak to you differently – but here they are:
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Church first. Find a local body, get connected, love the people, learn the people and earn trust. You may be the most gifted leader, but you may have to start at the bottom of the leadership pipeline. I know of one person so called to vocational ministry that he accepted a job as the church facilities manager. He’s a gifted pastor and leader, but humbled himself in order follow God’s call.
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Job second. Too many times, people go to a job and take their family into the church. I think we need to reverse that. It’s your family’s church first. Your job second. Don’t get that wrong. Churches change. Jobs change. Roles change. People change. But your family is who you live with 24/7. Forever.
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It has to be a calling — not just a job. The call to ministry has to be just that: a calling. If you don’t know the difference, stop reading and don’t go into vocational ministry.
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Serve with all you’ve got. You’ve got 24 hours in a day. What are you doing with them? The greater the calling, the more you’re going to WANT to serve. There are 40-hour/week volunteers. Be one.
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But…whatabout the need to earn a living? You know – mortgages, carpayments, braces, college.
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There are seasons of waiting. In them, serve your church as much as you’re able. But do what needs to be done in order to support your family. I know former church staff members who have gone into real estate, sold snow cones, and worked at a soap factory.
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Realize that everything can be a ministry:
“Our daily work can be a calling only if it is reconceived as God’s assignment to serve others.”
During the job interview process (if you choose job first / church second) propose a time of volunteer service before moving forward with any further discussions on a staff position. If finances are truly an issue, propose working for the church on an outside contractor (1099) basis. Take Sundays off to be with your family, and then if God moves, take steps to get your family more involved in the ministry.
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Know this: you are not alone. People have walked this path. There are many walking it with you. Many more will follow.
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Follow where and how God leads and set an example for others.
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And finally, stop reading this blog and go serve. Serve someone. Somewhere.
But God. • Friday I’ll be about an hour from home. All day. • Friday night I’m babysitting. • I’m old enough to know where my wall is. (I’ve hit it enough times.) Hitting the wall isn’t fun. It’s hard. It hurts. I’ve seen it coming and I’ve been completely blindsided. The wall hurts and it’s hard whether you see it coming or not. • So I put a big red ‘x’ on Saturday. ‘X’ marks the wall. • But God. • But our church scheduled a day of service for Saturday. • Y’all can serve. Need some graphic design? I’m happy to help. Website update? Social media update? I got you. • Anything that can be done from my house + in my pajamas… it’s my wall day. • But God. • But then I realized that maybe there’s something I can do. • So…I’m babysitting Saturday morning for a couple so they can go serve together ❤️❤️ • Then Saturday afternoon I’m possibly babysitting for another couple so they can go see a movie. • The wall told me I’d be at my limit. • But God told me I could throw on sweats and keep kids alive and entertained for a few hours. (I’ve been doing that for 22+ years.) • Do I get tired? Nope. Okay, well, yes. But no – because I’ve learned not to hit the wall. • But the same God who moves mountains and parts seas can push that wall back a little further. • ☕️ Also, my love language is coffee so if you see me this weekend and I look dead, you know what to do. ✌️
I write this to all of the congregations. All of you. Everywhere.
I know this: God has called me to serve vocationally in the local church. Definitely in the areas of communications, first impressions, next steps, and assimilation.
I also know I’m looking for every reason not to.
The sad part is that I don’t have to look too hard. This is a post from a group I’m in (I’ve left out a few details on purpose):
“Does anyone else notice that as we preach mental health as a Church, ours isn’t the best example? I was told on Thursday to (insert project + short timeline). Five hours of work later – on a Saturday – it’s finally done. Is it just my church??”
I have a friend who recently left the ministry. She’s posting a lot of pictures showing the activities she’s enjoying with her family. Many of the posts contain the phrase, “for the first time in a long time, I’m able to…”
Think about that. For the first time in a long time, she’s able to enjoy activities with her family.
Just last night, I received this message from a friend “…after having worked in… a daycare, in restaurants w high functioning alcoholics and/or drug users, a government job, and in a regional insurance office that included several dozen insurance salesmen, I’d never been in such a dysfunctional work environment until now.”
(She’s referring to her job at a church)
My own personal experience? I’ve missed family celebrations, flown home early from a family vacation, and even taken my laptop to and worked at the ER – when I was the patient.
I’ve loaded my personal cell phone (that the church didn’t pay for) with apps and images that were only for the church.
And I justified every second:
It’s my family’s church home, not just my job – I want to see things succeed (done, done well, etc.)
I’m earning a paycheck
Jesus never promised easy, He promised it would be worth it
I’m not hanging on a cross
I justified it because I knew it’s what God was calling me to do.
And then I ran. For many reasons. And in some way, I’m still running.
But I know I’ll go back.
Because despite the soul-crushing sacrifice, there’s another common bond among church employees: we love our congregations. Your Pastor loves you (I hope). The church secretary loves you. The maintenance guy loves you. The financial secretary loves you. Even the website and graphic design person loves you.
We know it’s a sacrifice. We know it’s a calling. And each and every church employee I know wants desperately to see people connected to the body of Christ.
And almost every congregant I know will say at some point to a church employee, “you work so hard, you need a break (day off, vacation, etc.)”
You’re right. We do.
So…what’s the point?
Here it is:
If you’re sitting in church, not DOING anything, please step up.
Assume this: every time you pick up the phone and need to talk to your Pastor, every other person in the church also called him. If you attend a church of 200, that’s 200 phone calls. And there are still day-to-day operations.
I used to spend 8 hours a day at the office, then come home to work. For real.
Please – volunteer to do something. What’s the thing you do best? What are you most passionate about? There’s probably a staff leader at your church who needs you on their team.
If you’re not sure where to start, I use a Venn diagram, Make three circles, making sure they intersect. Label each: Ability, Affinity, Affirmation. Ability should be the things you are naturally able to do. Affinity are the things you love. Affirmation are the things that other people have told you that you do well. For example: I’ve been told that I’m good with kids (affirmation). I don’t necessarily like working with kids (that would NOT go under affinity). I think that I’m able to work with kids – if there’s enough coffee. So that could potentially go in 2 of the 3. When you find the thing that hits all 3, that’s your spot.
If you know a church staff member is on vacation or it’s a day off – respect that time. I guarantee you, each and every employee will go above and beyond the call of duty, but even Jesus rested.
Resist the temptation to call, text, email, etc. (Yes, we check our emails on our days off.)
For me, my own first step back to obedience is volunteering.
And I’m grateful every day that I get to practice what I preach.
Our county schools have canceled in-person instruction (all remote learning today) because they are concerned about their teachers and students being able to get to school.
From their statement:
“Due to the impact of the gas shortage on staffing availability and student transportation,“
(North Carolina is currently experiencing gas shortages.)
Yet, many churches did not cancel in- person services on Wednesday night.
Now… look at this through the lens of an unsaved/unchurched person.
Unsaved people typically reach a place of need, a place where they feel empty, or alone. It can be minor or major, but it’s there – the hole in their hearts where Jesus should be.
We, church people, scream from the rooftops, “you need Jesus!” It’s true. They do.
Now let’s jump back to current events.
There are people anxious, maybe scared.
Heck, if I didn’t have Jesus + church people in my life I would be anxious and scared. I’m calculating the number of trips I have to take over the next few days and seeing closed gas pumps… and so there are granola bars, bottled water, blankets, and blood pressure meds in my car. Don’t think I’m kidding.
So we’ve got nervous, anxious, and scared unchurched people.
And our county school system canceled in-person instruction because they are concerned for their staff and parents of students.
Churches had the chance to lead the way on this on Wednesday night. They didn’t.
24 hours later, our county school system showed more care & concern for people than churches.
Think about what that communicates to the non-Christian. (We’re still looking through that lens.)
They’ve just been told the government cares about them more than a church does.
Why would they ever need or want a church? Why would they ever need or want a church family? Why would they ever need or want a relationship with Jesus?
This is the real battle we’re fighting, Christians, and if we don’t jump out ahead of it, we’re going to lose.
And like so many others, Covid impacted our lives. From new work schedules, less hours, and new school schedules, our lives were impacted in both positive and negative ways.
Every day brought more uncertainty, but with one certainty: we trust God.
And one thing I grew to love was couch church. Or as I named it, “The Church @ Marcy’s Couch.”
The benefits of couch church:
+ No commute
+ Coffee and way I want it
+ Dress code: pajamas
+ Super-comfy chairs
+ And if the Pastor says something I disagree with, I can mute him, or “attend a new church”
Everyone wanted to get back to normal. Me? I’m good with this.
But late in 2020, I realized I missed – and needed – a church family.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my family. I do. But something was missing.
But, like so many others, the time in quarantine gave us a chance to re-evaluate our priorities. What was God calling our family to do, and most importantly, where was He calling us to do it?
Each of us was on a different page, and we took some time figuring out where we needed to be.
But we’ve finally found a church to call home in 2021…and beyond…
We’re excited about what’s next.
Would I rather be home on Sunday mornings?
Truthfully, yes. I like my coffee + couch way better than the church coffee and pews. I’ve jokingly told the Pastor we’re game for opening a second campus.
In my living room.
And maybe not so jokingly.
I’m thinking of signing up to be the online host. Every week.Seriously thinking…
There are still a lot of unknowns, but we do know two things now: we trust God + we have a church to call home.
A Pastor once told me there’s truth and there’s grace, but if you’re going to make an error in judgement, err on the side of grace. So I do. I almost always choose Grace. Because of that I’ve been called gullible, and a pushover. I’ve been told that I allow people to use and take advantage of me.
And maybe that’s true. But I’d rather stand before God and account for being helpful and kind than stand before him and answer for the times I selfishly didn’t help someone.
And just because you offer help doesn’t mean you condone actions.
Think of it this way. If someone is playing with fire, you might say, “don’t do that, you’ll get burned.” They continue to play…they get burned.
Quick…what’s the first thing you do?
Treat the burn. Get them out of danger. Show compassion. Care. Love.
Then have a, ‘what we’re you thinking!?’ moment.
I’ve seen way too many leaders fail – moral failures, mental illness, etc. I’ve seen way too many Pastors need to step down. I’ve seen Pastors take their own lives.
As easy as it is to get angry at their failures — and believe me it’s easy, we have to be compassionate.
When the unthinkable happens, we have to remember our Pastors and leaders are people, too.
I don’t know about you, but when I’ve sinned and grieved the Holy Spirit, I feel guilty. Guilt usually leads to remorse and repentance, but that guilt valley is a deep – and lonely – one.
In my deepest valleys, I’m most grateful for the friends who stick by me.
So… here’s a challenge and a few tips from someone who’s walked in a few valleys herself.
Challenge: Do you want to be known for being compassionate, forgiving, and trustworthy?
So…Here’s what I needed (and what I believe anyone going through a valley needs):
1. A safe place to worship. I found myself at one point without a church home. I was so grateful for a friend who took me to church (a few towns over from mine).
2. Meals and money. So many times, a step down from ministry means a loss of income and it might often mean a relocation. Organize meals, do what you can to provide financial assistance.
3. Prayer. When a believer has done something wrong, they know. Falls can be public…and hard. Let someone know you’re praying.
4. Someone to believe in you. Let’s face it, our leaders got to be where they are (or were) because God gifted them. A failure doesn’t remove the gift. I’ve seen leaders fail, and make a comeback. Having been there, I’m eternally grateful for the people who believed in me.
5. Chocolate chip cookies. Because who doesn’t sometimes just need a cookie?
If you go this grace route, don’t fault the “truthers.” They want justice. They’re not wrong, they’ve just chosen another stance.
MarcyCarrico.com 